Get out your hankies, codependent Xyins, because here comes another of Paul's attempts to win your favor by holding another sympathy-seeking, pity-pot party for himself.

3.1 For this cause of My being the resurrected Christ, I Paul am the prisoner of Jesus Christ.

That claim was designed to sucker dis-Spirited people who thought Paul was one of God's guys into believing that seeking salvation and serving God would only result in feeling imprisoned and miserable, thereby talking them out of repenting of their sins and finding God. Naturally, what Satan-in-the-flesh was saying is the opposite of the Truth. We are captivated by Jesus, but we are NOT His prisoners. God makes His children feel awesomely happy, joyous, and free.

I am the prisoner of Jesus Christ on behalf of you Gentiles. See, it's all YOUR fault that I am imprisoned here in Rome. I didn't do anything wrong. See how much I love you Gentiles? Here I am an innocent person who loves you so much that I am even willing to go to prison in place of you guilty Gentiles. Doesn't My great love for you make you want to love Me back? See what a great martyr I am? See how irrational the real Jesus Christ is to make Me suffer the consequences for you Gentiles. Don't you feel guilty? Don't you feel sorry for Me? Boo-hoo. Sob-sob. Heh-heh.

2 You Gentiles of Ephesus may have heard that God dispensed His grace on Me. If you have heard about that, you know that the reason He dispensed His grace on Me is so I would feel His grace towards you Gentiles of Ephesus. 3You would also know that the way God made the mystery of His will known to Me was by revelation as I wrote before in few words in the lies I wrote in My letter to the Galatians. You know, back when I claimed that on that road to Damascus, after I was knocked off My horse and blinded, I did not go to Damascus and then to Jerusalem like the book of Acts (including My testimony in the book of Acts) claims I did. Instead, I went straight to Arabia all by Myself where I received M'newer Gospel by means of Jesus Christ Himself revealing M-newer Gospel to Me. Heh-heh.

4 Whereby, when you read that letter I wrote to the Galatians, you may understand how I gained My knowledge in the mystery of Christ.

Hmm. From what Paul said in verse 4, I now know of a certainty that when Paul's letters were written, Paul did not intend for each letter to be directed solely to the people of the city or region to which he claimed to be writing. Instead, he sought for his letters to reach a far greater audience. Knowing that is likely to help my research efforts.

5 The knowledge of the mystery of Christ was not made known to the sons of men who lived in previous ages. Only now is the mystery of Christ revealed to His holy apostles and prophets, and it is revealed only by means of the Spirit. The mystery of Christ to which I refer is M'Newer Gospel. And since M'Newer Gospel was only revealed to Me, I am God's greatest and ONLY holy apostle and prophet to whom I refer! Cock-a-doodle-doo!

6 God revealed the mystery of Christ, a.k.a. M'Newer Gospel, only to Me so that I would preach M'Newer Gospel to you Gentiles. Then you Gentiles should be:

• fellow heirs of the same body of Christ as I am, and
• partakers of the promise God made in Christ

by means of your believing the Gospel that I preach to you.

7 Therefore, I was made a minister of M'Newer Gospel according to the gift of the grace of God that He gave to Me by means of the effectual working of His power.

8 Even though My mystery of Christ is only revealed by means of revelation today to God's holy apostles and prophets (namely Me), I am less than the least of all saints. Ooh. Don't I sound humble? This grace is only given to Me. The reason God gave this grace to Me and Me alone is so that:

1. I should preach the unsearchable riches of Christ among you Gentiles. So if you Gentiles intend to search the real Gospel for answers for yourself, do not bother! God's treasures of enlightenment are unsearchable! You have to believe everything I tell you, because God only reveals the mystery and riches of Christ to ME! So there!
2. 9 I would make all men everywhere see that which constitutes the fellowship of the mystery of Christ.

The mystery of Christ has been hidden from the beginning of the world, you know. It was hidden by God. God created all things by means of Jesus Christ. See how smart I am?

10 God's intention for revealing the mystery and unsearchable riches of Christ to Me and Me alone are so that the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the:

• principalities
• powers in heavenly places, and
• church named Christianity

by means of My preaching the mystery of Christ to you all. 11And what I preach to all you principalities, powers in heavenly places, and Christians is according to the eternal purpose which God Himself has proposed.

See, God's purpose in sending Christ Jesus our Lord was just so Jesus could preach God's Truth. Then God mocked, tortured, and murdered Jesus for issuing God's commandments. And the blood that Jesus shed during His crucifixion works to save us princiPAULities, powers in heavenly places, and Christians from having to suffer the consequences of our sins. Instead, I get to preach M'Newer Gospel that totally wars against what Jesus said and God's commandments. And God loves M'Newer Gospel so much that He grants Me and everybody who believes Me with His grace as a reward for our disgraceful behaviors. Ain't that great? Heh-heh.

12 As a result, we have boldness and access to God by means of Jesus Christ in Me. We also have confidence by means of our having faith in Him who claims to be in Christ Jesus: Me. Heh-heh.

13 Wherefore, My desire is that you Gentiles of Ephesus do not faint when you hear about My tribulations. Boo-hoo. Sob-sob. After all, I bear all My tribulations on your behalf. Boo-hoo. Sob-sob. All My tribulations serve to glorify you, not Me. See what a great self-sacrificing martyr I am? Boo-hoo. Sob-sob. Heh-heh.

14 I bow My knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ for the following cause. 15(Before I get to the cause for My bowing, however, I need to tell you that the whole family in Heaven and earth is named Christian after our Lord Jesus Christ, you know. After all, we just LOVE taking the name of the Lord in vain. Heh-heh.)

16 Ahem. Now here comes the cause for which I bow My knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am asking:

1. that God would grant you to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man according to the riches of His glory;
2. 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts by means of your having faith in Me and M'Newer Gospel;
3. that since you have been rooted and grounded in love by means of your having faith in Me and M'Newer Gospel, 18you may be able to comprehend the breadth, length, depth, and height [of ?] with all saints;
4. 19 for you to know the love of Christ. The love of Christ passes beyond human knowledge, you know. Yep, no human can experience and have knowledge of the love of Jesus. I want you Gentiles of Ephesus to possess all knowledge of the love of Christ anyway, however, so
5. that you might be filled with all the fulness of God. Ain't I great to care about you Gentiles of Ephesus so much? Heh-heh.

20 Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask of Him or think that He can do according to the power that works in us, 21unto Him (a.k.a. Me) be glory in the church by means of Christ Jesus throughout all ages, and let the world be without end. Amen.

Ooh. What a prayer. Now here comes the first of Satan's commandments in this letter.

4.1 Therefore, Me, Myself, and I, Paul, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you are called. And the vocation wherewith you are called demands that you obey the following commandments:

• 2Thou shalt walk with all lowliness.
• Thou shalt walk with all meekness.
• Thou shalt walk with longsuffering, because those of you who follow Me are going to suffer for a long, long time. Heh-heh.
• Thou shalt forbear one another in love.
• 3 Thou shalt endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

In other words:

No autonomy allowed! No free-thinking allowed! Thou shalt not speak up! Thou shalt not ask questions! Thou shalt not question M'Newer Gospel! Thou shalt keep your focus outward on other people, not on yourself. Thou shalt kowtow to one another. Thou shalt pretend to love one another. Thou shalt stuff your feelings. Thou shalt fake your feelings. Thou shalt live a lie and lie like Hell. Thou shalt turn your will and your life over to the care of other Christians by people-pleasing one another. Thou shalt endure the abuse of one another without ever speaking up against the wickedness of by your fellow Christians. Thou shalt be codependent as Hell!